Every Sunday we have a special family dinner. It is something I have strived for ever since Eric and I first started our lives together. There have been very few Sundays that we have not had our special get-together, and I hope it will always be like that.
It's not that we don't eat together during the week - we do. Monday to Friday I try as much as possible for everyone to be having dinner at the same time, and preferably, in the same place. But it's not always possible. Most of the time Eric works at night, and the children's various activities make it hard to have everyone at the table at the same time. But Sundays are different. Everyone tries really hard to be there, and I'm happy to say, most of the time we are all there!
It's never really about the food, but I have to admit - I adore the compliments. A nod or request for a second helping from my husband is his highest praise for something he likes. The most treasured (?) compliment so far from my eldest son, Timothy, a few years back: (While eating a stew) "Mom, if you ever know beforehand that you are going to die, could you please cook me a whole lot of food and put it in the freezer so that I will have it when you are not here?" I love putting a dish on the table and seeing eyes light up and hearing loud yes's.
Usually, I cook a roast. When Tim and Jethro were little, and we lived in South Africa, it was very often crumpets with syrup, scones with jam and cream or cucumber sandwiches. On the odd occasion that we do not have a roast, we sometimes have very simple food like soup and homemade bread, or stews.
As our lives have changed, and our family has grown, so has our dinner. Now, we hardly ever have less than eight people around the table, and sometimes we're up to twelve. There's six of us, plus my parents to bring it up to eight, and then these days our two high schoolers bring their "uhm" dates to dinner. About three times out of four now, our roast is a dry roast to accomodate our older children's desire to eat healthier and curb the man and woman of the house's cholesterol levels; and very often there is a veggie alternative for Jethros "special gal" Alicia, who is a vegetarian. A good balance between green and yellow vegetables so that my dad can avoid too much green is also considered.
Once the food is cooking, its time to get the table ready. After adding the extension, it is covered with a beautiful tablecloth and sometimes a runner and placemats as well. The special occasion plates, silverware and glasses are placed at each setting, along with matching cloth napkins and candles and a centerpiece.
We always pray before we eat, sometimes everyone prays in turn, sometimes just one person and sometimes a few do and a few don't. In the last few months, a lot of my younger two children's prayers have been for my parents to be able to stay. After that, its free for all. While I don't abide bad manners, we certainly are a lively bunch. Lots and lots of talking - loud talking and so many jokes. We've heard them all before, but somehow they are still funny again next week.
This is going to be one of those occasions that are going to be the hardest to deal with. My parents have dinner with us almost every Sunday night. There are times they aren't here of course, but mostly they are.
It seems like such a small thing to think about missing - dinner. But I know we are all going to miss them being here. This is usually the time the four adults have an occasional serious conversation, the teenagers fill us all in on what's going on at the high school and the grandparents get a view of what life is like for this generation. It's a good time. The table cloth always gets messed with gravy or salad dressing. Juice, wine or soda is sometimes knocked over by an expressive arm demonstration and usually someone needs to get a "look" for burping at the table or playing with their toes. These things never matter to me though, and I guess the only thing I ever feel is missing are my brothers and their families and Erics family. I feel very satisfied at the end of the meal, in more ways than one.
For a while, I thought that maybe we would have take-out in the living room for a few weeks after my parents depart, but then I spent more time thinking about it and I decided that we would have our usual gathering the Sunday after they leave. It will be sad and hard, but it will also be good to hear my children include their grandparents in their prayers. Harder still, but maybe necessary, it will be part of the process to allow us all to sense and know just what we are going to be missing.
A big, very important, part of our lives.

Maureen.